bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
