I bet he comes in French.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Four minutes until I can fart!
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
