There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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