drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
