I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
