I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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