I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
