at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
