I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
