I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
These tits shall not be calmed
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
