she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
