Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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