great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
