Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So apparently I’m into choking now
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