Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
