Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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