Define "chronic" masturbator.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
