thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
