he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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