Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
