Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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