If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
4 words: hood of his car
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
