One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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