Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
