go do what you do best...puke behind churches
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
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