a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize