Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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