I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize
