before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
