Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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