It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He felt like a one man threesome
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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