Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
