he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
