I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize