if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
