He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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