yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
