Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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