There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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