i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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