It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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