i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
