Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
