I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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