Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
