I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
