i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
