Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
