Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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