what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
