planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
