I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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