Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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