Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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