just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
