The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
