You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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