I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
