You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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