And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
