At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
