I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
