A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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