I want you more than these girls want KFC
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
