Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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