Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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