Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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