My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
