It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
