I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
